CatHaRsis

Wood Rat: Horoscope as of August 7, 2008
         You’ll be able to make big changes; it’s a good time to figure out
where you want to go and why you’ve been clinging to inhibitions or
limiting circumstances. Try to climb life’s ladder only one rung at a
time, lower your standards and develop a sense of humor; what good is
getting to the top of anything if it sends your colon into spasm? Your
relations with your loved one may be rugged, but you can overcome this
trial by showing enough good will.

                     Warning: Don’t read! This will make you upset!
I don’t know why parang everyday I am so compelled to make basa my horoscope. Like, duh, as if it is going to change my day or to change my life totally. You know I don’t believe naman it eh. Pero lately it seems like I cannot go on with my work unless I check my horoscope. I would like to ask nga my friend if there is such a thing as horoscope addiction. Kasi parang it seems na I rely on it na. Makes me really sad. But in fairness ha, sometimes it seems true naman. Yun nga lang, parang its a slap on my face kasi naman I’m sure na my undergraduate course does not support such predictions eh. It is so kakatawa lang talaga.

(I never realized writing using taglish/coño/coña language can be a good stress reliever!)

(x) Refrain
from systematically question the authority from whom you depend. Efficient and competent in your work, you’ll carry many delicate
missions through.
Beware of all kinds of intoxication, especially if
you’re a nicotine addict.
Changes of situations will not be rare; be
prepared to cope with all contingency. Money problems will often be a
source of harsh conflicts between lovers of this sign.

The stars will come to help you in your
professional activities by allowing you to express yourself with ease and
authority. You’ll work with energy and method; the results will be very
encouraging. This astral climate will compel you to get rid of many harmful
preconceived ideas which might stifle your personality. A little flatulence,
without apparent reason; refrain from soft drinks; also, don’t chew gums; and
above all, eat slowly, in a calm and relaxed ambience.

I am not so sure as to what the first line says. I am imagining it like the dream of David when the stars, the sun, and the moon bowed to him. Could it be that tonight, the stars will descend from heaven to give me the answers to my wishes. But what I really like are the last few lines especially "refrain from soft drinks, don’t chew gums, and above all, eat slowly, in a calm and relaxed ambience." which i conscientiously followed. I ate every spoonful of rice and viand as if it were the last time I would be doing it. I enjoyed the hey-you-cooked-that-yesterday-chicken and pinakbet with sincere pleasure. I was doing all of it with such grace and dignity until my phone rang and that ended my bliss. I was like, "Hey, it’s lunch time. Let me fill my intestines first!". But how could I say that to an employer, huh?

I would rather be stuck here with you than be with another…

I would rather be deviant than to regret later on for not giving in to what my heart yearns…

I would rather live my life on the edge than grow old and not knowing what significant things I did when I was younger…

I would rather not stop myself from being critical to what I believe as false…

I would rather be commented by others than continue doing things without knowing whether I am being inhumane already…

I would rather do things that grant me knowledge and an avenue for growth than to do things for the sake of money…

What would you do if you find out that somebody whom you trusted for so long has been lying to you?

What would you do if you find out that there’s nobody to run to at that very moment?

What would you do if you are being killed softly by the idea that life seems so unfair?

What would you do if you find out that love is just a concept created by the romanticists writers?

Honestly, I dont even know how to answer my questions. I thought life is a piece of cake. But then I found out that sometimes its a spoiled one- just covered by mouth-watering chocolate icing. It is so enticing from the outside. Yet, the moment I  take a bite of it, I can’t help but to spit it out.

How I wish I’ll be contented for what I have at the moment. How I wish I can look at the mirror with confidence: wherein I can say to myself that I’ve got what it takes to be happy enough. How I wish I won’t get bored that easily. How I wish people won’t lie to me… 

Poor ziggy. He’s perpetually one step behind, one nickel short, one lane away from the fast lane. But we love him for it, because everyone feels like Ziggy now and then. 

Maybe it has something to do with self esteem… I know that my self esteem is a little healthy and it doesn’t need a fix (so far), but I really do feel like ziggy sometimes. It may be that some people make me feel that way… or it could be that sometimes i forget to bring with me my polyanna attitude… Someone told me before, life is a matter of attitude… Life is what we make it…

Here are lists of personality traits that people born in July are most likely to have:

Fun to be with.
Secretive.
Difficult to fathom and to be understood.
Quiet unless excited or tensed.
Takes pride in oneself.
Has reputation.
Easily consoled.
Honest.
Concerned about people’s feelings.
Tactful.
Friendly.
Approachable.
Emotional temperamental and unpredictable.
Moody and easily hurt.
Witty and sparkly.
Spazzy at times.
Not revengeful.
Forgiving but never forgets.
Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things.
Guides others physically and mentally.
Sensitive and forms impressions carefully.
Caring and loving.
Treats others equally.
Strong sense of sympathy.
Wary and sharp.
Judges people through observations.
Hardworking.
No difficulties in studying.
Loves to be alone.
Always broods about the past and the old friends.
Waits for friends.
Never looks for friends.
Not aggressive unless provoked.
Loves to be loved.
Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

Source: Suyo, J.G. (2525). Personality Psychology: Twisting Facts through Observation. Harp and Raw Publishers. Sulawesi Sulu.

  I just woke up from a deep slumber. There are times when I hope I can sleep forever. TODAY is one of those days. I am so bored and yes, depressed. Why can’t some people be honest? I know that I’m a little sensitive relative to other people, but I want honesty. What hurts more is that they are trying to show the opposite when we are together. Won’t it make me feel bad? I’m suppose to have the Pollyanna attitude but there are a lot of externalities. They hit me where it hurts the most. I’m in the process of compensating for my insecurities but I was stopped even before I can redeem myself. I need to protect myself from whatever pain that it can cause me. I know that I have not yet reached my full potential…     

 I have been thinking of HIM since time immemorial. Maybe in my sleep I can memorize HIS name and even spell it backwards. I don’t know what made HIM so special. It could be the "looks" or the "wit" but nothing seems clear when HE’S near. My attraction to him remains a mystery to me. Despite the things I have learned in the past, I still can’t figure out why HE remains in my cognition. HE’S not every guy to me but every neurons that is fired carries the memory traces of HIM. Yet, I’m beginning to dislike HIM now. The more I discovered something about HIM, the more HE becomes unattractive. Sourgraping could be the explanation for this but maybe the concept of reciprocity would make this clearer. I don’t like to continue liking someone who seems not to care. Love is a very delicate feeling to be unrecognized by its object. But its one heroic act to continue loving when HE doesn’t care. All is fair in love and war and I will have my portion later on. At this time, I’m sloping downwards yet still clinging on the thought that at least there is someone who thinks about me before *&@#! goes to sleep. HE is acting ignorant but I know HE knows. HE is acting as if HE doesn’t care, but i know HE does. If HE’S making it too hard for me, I would like to know. I wouldn’t do a thing. I’ll just sit here and wait for my knight in shining armor… That is, if there is one left… 

    My friend is leaving soon…

    After I graduated from the University it seems that time has been flying so fast. Honestly, I’m anxious to keep track of it because it means that I’m getting older. That’s really what I don’t want to hear. I want to stay young forever. Maybe if the so-called "fountain of youth" was true, I would have searched for it! (hehe! of course, that’s only an exaggeration). But then, the ironic part is, I don’t want to be called a "baby" forever. While on a jeepney this morning, a man handed me P7 and said, "Ne, palihog ko gani bayad." grrrrr!!!!!!!!!! For me, ‘nene’ is only used for young girls. Excuse me, I’m not a high school gal anymore! I’m wondering, do I look too young to be mistaken for little girl?

   Anyway, I spent my lenten season at home with my family. Good thing, my cousin/"bestfriend" was there to cheer me up. I love her for being my confidante when everybody else is busy with their own affairs. Well, we went out together and had a party. That’s true! When she’s my company, we can turn dull moments into a very memorable one. She’s graduating so we planned about a lot of things. These would be our last days together and surely I’m gonna miss her! Four days weren’t enough to talk about things that concern us most. Somebody told me before that the times you have spent together with the ones you love would make the bonding stronger. That will serve as the foundation of your relationship and the depth of it depends on how you treasure those times. Technically and practically speaking, that is true. Withdrawing from that relationship as early as possible won’t be the best solution. This will surely be depressing. But keeping in mind that some good things never last would make it somehow acceptable. Oppppsss! I’m beginning to sound miserable. 

To a Skylark
by: Percy Bysshe Shelley
    

Hail to thee, blithe Spirit!
Bird thou never wert,

That from Heaven, or near it,
Pourest thy full heart
In profuse strains of unpremeditated art.

Higher still and higher
From the earth thou springest
Like a cloud of fire;
The blue deep thou wingest,
And singing still dost soar, and soaring ever singest.

In the golden lightning

Of the sunken sun
O’er which clouds are bright’ning,
Thou dost float and run,
Like an unbodied joy whose race is just begun.

The pale purple even
Melts around thy flight;
Like a star of Heaven
In the broad daylight
Thou art unseen, but yet I hear thy shrill delight:

Keen as are the arrows
Of that silver sphere,
Whose intense lamp narrows
In the white dawn clear
Until we hardly see–we feel that it is there.

All the earth and air
With thy voice is loud.
As, when night is bare,
From one lonely cloud
The moon rains out her beams, and heaven is overflowed.

What thou art we know not;
What is most like thee?
From rainbow clouds there flow not
Drops so bright to see
As from thy presence showers a rain of melody.

Like a poet hidden

In the light of thought,

Singing hymns unbidden,

Till the world is wrought
To sympathy with hopes and fears it heeded not:

Like a high-born maiden
In a palace tower,
Soothing her love-laden
Soul in secret hour
With music sweet as love, which overflows her bower:

Like a glow-worm golden
In a dell of dew,
Scattering unbeholden
Its aerial hue
Among the flowers and grass, which screen it from the view:

Like a rose embowered
In its own green leaves,
By warm winds deflowered,
Till the scent it gives
Makes faint with too much sweet these heavy-winged thieves.

Sound of vernal showers
On the twinkling grass,
Rain-awakened flowers,
All that ever was
Joyous, and clear, and fresh, thy music doth surpass.

Teach us, sprite or bird,
What sweet thoughts are thine:
I have never heard
Praise of love or wine
That panted forth a flood of rapture so divine.

Chorus hymeneal

Or triumphal chaunt
Matched with thine, would be all
But an empty vaunt–
A thing wherein we feel there is some hidden want.

What objects are the fountains
Of thy happy strain?

What fields, or waves, or mountains?

What shapes of sky or plain?
What love of thine own kind?

What ignorance of pain?

With thy clear keen joyance
Languor cannot be:
Shadow of annoyance

Never came near thee:
Thou lovest, but ne’er knew love’s sad satiety.

Waking or asleep,
Thou of death must deem

Things more true and deep
Than we mortals dream,
Or how could thy notes flow in such a crystal stream?

We look before and after,
And pine for what is not:

Our sincerest laughter
With some pain is fraught;
Our sweetest songs are those that tell of saddest thought.

Yet if we could scorn
Hate, and pride, and fear;
If we were things born
Not to shed a tear,
I know not how thy joy we ever should come near.

Better than all measures
Of delightful sound,
Better than all treasures
That in books are found,
Thy skill to poet were, thou scorner of the ground!

Teach me half the gladness
That thy brain must know,
Such harmonious madness
From my lips would flow
The world should listen then, as I am listening now!